when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
