best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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