I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Congratulations! We have a period
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
