Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
