my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
