It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
