I wanna bring you to show and tell
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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