i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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