My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
