The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
