best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
