I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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