I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
