well I can't set my house on fire every night
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
