I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
