i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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