There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
