Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
