I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
