I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize