There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
