Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize