garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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