so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
