I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
