if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
