i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
