Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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