Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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