Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
