I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
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