You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im holly from the hills drunk
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
