You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
