i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So squirting runs in the family.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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