i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
