Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
