i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
