Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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