why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
