that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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