1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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