if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize