i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
