she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
