toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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