I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
