i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
