my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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