Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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