I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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