i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
