I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
