So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
