If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
