meet me or not, i'm out of control
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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