I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
