I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize