So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
