I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You made out with two different species that night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
