discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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