I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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