Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm at about main and main street
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
