i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
