dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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