Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Please don't give away my fajitas
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