Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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