Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you win again, gameday.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
