And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's no shave November. This is our time.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
