Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
