i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
