im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
