In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
