If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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