So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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